Lately my mind has been running. Thinking about anything and everything. I find myself trying to plan my wedding. Which is only crazy because #1 i'm only 18 and #2 I don't have boyfriend nor do I have any prospects. I've been worrying about not having things to survive on when I have to live on my own. I've been thinking about where I would/could/should move when I am done with school.
If you haven't ever met me, or don't know me well, Hi. I'm Jordyn Elizabeth and I am terrified of growing up. I hate being 18. I hate the fact that my own sister worries because she knows I am still a child. I hate that I have friends that I can't depend on and that steal my things.
I'm a worrier. I worry about things that haven't even happened, or things that probably never will. I hold grudges. And Lord knows that wears me down. I yearn. I yearn for things I fear I will never have. I struggle with giving all of this up to God. To trust him to do what is best for me. Sometimes I forget he is there, and I feel like i'm doing this whole life thing on my own, because sometimes it really feels like I am.
I can't stand that I can't get a boyfriend. I can't stand that I feel like i'm never pretty enough, or skinny enough, or...or...or... This world has been harsh on me, and I have all but submitted to it. I used to be a strong girl. I wish I knew how to get that girl back.
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