a quote

"Patience is passion tamed."

Here We Go Bluebird

I've always been told its good to wear your heart on your sleeve, because otherwise you'll never know when you find love. But its much easier to be heartbroken that way... I've found myself to be very heartbroken lately. Not because I have lost a boy, just the absence of one. There is no one "special". Its a hard sort of feeling. Odd all at the same time. I've been keeping my head up the best I can, and I've been trying not to think the worst of every boy I meet. Not an easy job, mind you.


Reminding myself that I'm only 18, and have plenty of time to find my soul mate is something I don't like to do. I want to be 20 and incandescently in love. I want to know that I won't be alone for the rest of my life; Because, to be completely honest, that is a huge fear of mine. But one day I will be 20, and some day I will be incandescently in love... Just not soon enough for my taste.


Go love someone today, anyone.
Just love.

Relief

"Never Run after a bus or a man. There will always be another one coming."

FYI

Today I have come to a realization that no matter how broken and torn my family may be, I love them so much. Just the other day my mom made me a bracelet, and I have yet to take it off because it keeps her with me all day long. My sisters keep me on my toes and always know what to say. My brother-in-law Christopher, although I fell like sometimes he does not like me, is always there for me like a REAL big brother. Always. And my dad... some days I claim to hate him, and I am still unable to forgive him, but he is like that guy that every time you see him you get butterflies and don't know what to say. I love my daddy.


My grandma, my cousins, aunts and uncles... I don't know what I'd do without them.
And Andrew, my cousin, is my other big brother. He keeps involved in my life even though he lives states away. I love him with all my heart.


Do not take family for granted. No matter what happens. They are the people you can lean on no matter the situation.

"The family is a haven in a heartless world"

Reassurance

Last night at 12:05 Dalton reminded me of our 1st grade love for each other. A little song called When I Go by Slow Club. He told me to listen to it because it reminded him of us.
I have this awful fear that I will grow old and alone. It is an awful awful thing! But I know I'll at least have Dalton forever, whether as a best friend, a brother, or even a husband. I can't wait to grow old with him regardless of what he is to me.


When I go by Slow Club

If we’re both not married by twenty-two
Could I be so bold and ask you?
If we’re both not married by twenty-three
Will you make my year and ask me?

If we’re both not married by twenty-four
Will you pass me those kneepads and I’ll get on the floor?
If we’re both not married by twenty-five
I hope that there’s some childish spark still alive

Cause there are so many lessons
That I just never cared to learn
And there are so many questions that still burn
Like will you hold my hand when I go?
Will you hold my hand when I go?
Will you hold my hand when I go?
Will you hold my hand when I go?

If I get to thirty and I don’t have a wife
I’ll ask you nicely but I won’t ask twice
If I get to forty and I don’t have a spouse
I’ll fashion you a letter and I’ll send it to your house
If I get to sixty will you let me slip away
Into an armchair for the rest of my days?
Cause you’ve got your family and I’ve got mine
The love that we shared was for another time

Cause there are so many lessons
That I just never cared to learn
And there are so many questions that still burn
Like will you hold my hand when I go?
Will you hold my hand when I go?
Will you hold my hand when I go?
Will you hold my hand when I go?

The Devil

I have come to realize that God has decided to use college as the challenge of my young adult life. He knows I can do it, and is forcing me to realize that I know I can do it too. This first semester was almost the death of me. With living situations and just everything that is going on in my life, I wanted to quit... several times. Then God shows me what he has planned for my life and I can hardly hold back the excitement. I can't wait till this world tells me I am qualified enough to do God's will. It is a day I can barely wait for.

Dear college,
Go ahead and try to kick my butt. I've got God on my side, which means you are pretty much screwed. See you at graduation.
Sincerely, me.

The most wonderful time of the year...

Tonight my family started to decorate for Christmas. For the most part, it went alright, until about the last 20 minutes. Then all hell broke loose, and we all gave up. Why is it that "the most wonderful time of the year" is always the most stressful time of the year? Traveling, school finals, seeing family, preparing for one big day. Then all of a sudden it's December 26th, and its all over.  It's sad really. So this year I've decided to try to embrace the month of December as much as I can! Now if only it would snow in Albuquerque...